the chief cornerstone jameslantern40.WordPress.com Thus this severety was a set up to know God’ s grace. This is to fulfill what was spoken” i will frustrate the intelligence of the wise. Even i ,had to give up my wits to receive his unmerrited favor. That’s why only the ones described in the beautitudes happen to receive.
Those associated with Christ will ultimately bear his fragrance .I emphasise” those” because many are called but few are chosen .
These are those who are not ashamed of Christ .Is it the lack of fatherhood i missed as a child, that made me allow myself to wallow so deep in the steeps of religion?.That i would give up my clothes ,shoes, phones, time ,energy ,self love ?that i would take abuse to the level of hating myself all for gainig a place in the church family?.
Jesus blood was shed for man’ s salvation. He is the proprietor of our salvation. He became sin that we might become the righteousness of God in christ. Thus under the law, the old covenant, this truth now is veiled to those whose hearts are not ready today turn to the father.
Yet I was not alone in this process.There was a someone, who counseled me like the way.The way Jonathan counseled David when he was fleeing from king saul . He was a special person at that time, a john the Baptist named Joseph. A Raised Catholic, he defected from the religion and sought” the way “which I would refer to protestant. Filled with the joy of the new life, he was full of empathy for such a soul as i.
He took my hand walked with me. For my drawbacks to alcohol condemned me to think God has disqualified me but he the mentor told me in a snapshot there is grace.
One day,he took me to this fellow ship where I saw a drunk Christian testifying about Jesus and i believed.I was delivered from condemnation of disqualifion. The strength of sin is the law. Joseph is the reason I’m alive today.He was a neighbour whom God had given grace to mentor me into liberty.He was anointed for this purpose and also for his destiny. He has seen my skeleton, my tears, in heaven we shall all laugh as we look at the DVD.
For seven years, I sat at his feet, i learnt a lot about the Christian culture.In the eve of November 2012, he was removed from my life and I had to fly solo . My foundation was weak and in four months ,I fell from grace and the law took hold of me .I became confused, like a man blind man groping in the dark though it is daylight!.
In that fullness of time, i reached the fullness of the law and the curse that Jesus bore for me came upon me,for by seeking to justify myself before a trice holy God then, the full wrath that Jesus took on my behalf was obligated on me by the virtue of my wrong believing .
As the scriptures says the law was a custodian, that we were locked up until time appointed by the father(Romans) .
For i sought to be justified by the law.I was consecrated before time for this move. What i would go through is what Elijah, Jeremiah and Isaiah felt, being led by the holyghost without Christ atonement.
I’m what I’m by the grace of God. This move God had already prepared me before hand, had already been set apart for this .
Alone, was neccessary for that is where God wanted me to be.Where I can be ploughble,without the need for affirmation. Three years, eight days la ,I had cracked coming under extreme condemnation.This sent me to the doctors, where i was put under prescriptions as stated earlier. At this point ,my salvation was arevelation but Christ profited me nothing ,I had fallen from grace. Two months after that ,i realised that i had made a mistake with nothing to loose I gave my life up.Anything that brought me condemnation,i got rid off.Until I found the peace that I needed. So, I knew this time it’s for keep’ s.”put away the slave woman and her child for the slave woman and her child shall not inherit with the child of rhe promise”Galatians . For if righteousness could be attained by the law Christ died for nothing. There was always a scripture that rang true in my heart,” those who loose their lives shall find it, but those who find their lives shall loose it “Jesus Christ. March fourth 2013,after voting,in the countries general elections, I made my way to church, the house of God. I had to do this,it’s the only thing I knew to do. Why wasn’t i accepted I
There is a theory that Jesus didn’t find room in the inn because it is was full. Nothing could be further from the truth. The bible doesn’t say that” there was no room in the inn, but that there was no room for “them” in the inn.
So while the Pharisees wanted to be gatekeepers ,Jesus made God and holiness accessible to everyone. When i look around i realise that the gospel is predestinated, there are people who will not believe. There are people who will believe.Hence the condition is belief that all may eligible without excuse.
In today’s churches,giving is made equal to spirituality,this heresy is the height of demonic ostrisitation in the church. Levites, nazarites, sons of Arron ,Saints who are counted worthy to be among the 144,000 languishing and are despised.
Yet they, hope that we shall sit at the same table at kingdom come. Did you know you can’t loose your salvation? be condemned? be declared a sinner? after accepting Christ . Did you know immortality is a gift of right believing that you are indestructible in the finshed work of Christ ?. He did a quantum to take all your punishment at the cross two thousand years before your birth?. But before recieving the gift of condemnation, i want to embark you on how it all started, the seperation. At age of 15, that was when i awakened to the reality that their is a higher life.For no one puts a light under the bed but on top of the hill for all to see.
But i can say what seperated me was my difference.That process led me to start isolating myself, to figure out my place in the world,then at 20 i surfaced . Look in the bible the maim ,blind, whores, the short people,generally the outcasts, they were the receivers.
Before surfacing i used to lock my self indoors. I hate the self righteousness guys try to analyse a person during such a phase using phrases like depression.
The woman with the issue of blood, was delivered from oppresion and justified by her faith ,though before her condition was used as justification by the self righteous to ostricise her . That person you are judging is dealing with his or her life the best way he knows. God’s grace upon his or her life is sufficient .
So at 22 I started doing it,I embraced the call ,the seperation, to grow as a Christian,a follower of Jesus Christ . There was a place that I escaped to weather the effects of failure,condemnation that I experienced in my then christian walk.
“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted”(mathew 5). Back to the scene before that, the battle i was facing was bad, so bad that i volunteered myself and told my parents I need help meaning if a shrink can help me,” get me there”.
The matrix was rejecting me and i was unsure of myself. Right now if the “shrinks” know who it is , that is writing this, they would awe at the outcome of who was before them.
Looking at our history in the faith, was Abraham justified on the basis of works or faith. For before slaying his only son he was called righteous, before bearing children ,a father of many nations. Back to the story of escape, a place was prepared for me during the eight years i have mentioned that i visited this place ,a type kardeshbania.
I would go to this place to weather the results of the law on a condemned soul. It was a wilderness in the real sense,at the far edge of our neighborhood.It is there ,that I recieved the consecration,the setting apart. It is here i shed my mortality, it is here that i was changed and one day i came out a lantern.I went there first unconsciously seeking answers in 2005. Look at Jesus going to the wilderness, David hiding in the caves, all over the bible ,men of God are continiously being hidden,preserved for the glory of God.
I didn’t know that place would be my homage for the next eight years.It was spontanious, mainly after 8.00a.m .It was at this place that God decongested me from demonic defilement and baggage.Under the law sin is alive and punishment is given.Hell relishes at the torment of a condemned sinner.
Demonic oppresion is real, I experienced it for seven years before that season unconsciously, and eight years consciousnesly during that period , a total of fifteen years .
They (nephlims) tormented me academically, sexually, mentally and the final blow was spiritual.
The following story is about what the blood of Jesus can do to a sinner, one damned to die. My name is james lantern born again 24 years ago.Jesus removed the veil from my eyes about four years ago . It’s a story of the gospel, that Jesus came to save sinners. He came for them.I’m the seal of his work by grace lest i boast. My story Inspired by the demoniac, when set free by Jesus ,he was told to go back to his town and tell them what He has done for him. Jesus is the main star in this script. It’s not really about a man, it’s a type, a revelation of God’s mercy through his Son Jesus.It’s the ol’ adage truth that Jesus came for the sick, the deprived, the downcast ,to save one under a curse about. For the law brought all manner of sin in me because apart from the law there was no knowledge of sin. Yet the law was a custodian until when the grace was to be revealed. The law here is the church where i attended. The savior is Jesus Christ, He is the begotten son of God,the Man.He is indeed the author, I’m just a vessel leaking His majesties will,a type in the story. I’m His penmanship brought up, raised up for this very purpose. Earlier almost four years ago, i was in a tough spot. Meaning I was in a cyros moment.This is as people like to say” the cookie crumbles” . I got the essence of this phrase from Jim Carrey’s movie” Bruce Almighty”, a funny movie ain’t it .But that is Hollywood, i was a reality star with unorthodox script to act. Back to the story, that’s how it seemed ,at least in the natural for me at. I was in my room at that moment Githurai 45 to be precise.Things were not going the way I would wanted them to. Something I was involved in hit a snag.The soap business of the church I was in where i base most of the revelations that i recieved through religion.Well , since God loves me as stated in 1 John 4;10, I had to let go and embraced God’s flow.I ended up giving glory to God . God is good towards me, the same as he is towards anybody else.Knowing this in my part is a gift. It is by his Mercy that I live breath and have my being.A gift that I’m forever greatful for, hence this book. His mercy leads me. God’s has graced me not because I’m special, but because I’m the weakest and frailest.Through Jesus Christ, i have been empowered to bear alot of fruits,Not only for my pleasure but to build up the kingdom of Almighty God . I have nothing but glory for Jesus. I love to write lyrics,I’m an inspired linguist ,a gift I take not for granted, I like to read literature and novels(mmh! fiction aren’t they?).Also i love to write literature,take photographs ,ride my bike,shoot short films.Yah i love reading too .I like to make people laugh in a childish kind of way.I’m sure my buddies can attest to this. Galatians3:13,is a key verse to me that we have been delivered from the curse of the law. Also, my Deep anchor is Deuteronomy 6:10-12,about everything bring free to whomsoever believeth. Thirty four years have passed since my mother gave birth to me, and i recieved christ 24years ago. It has been a tough first 30 years,i’m now 34. This is my story as to how i got to this place,where i recieved the gift of no condemnation as stated in Romans 8:1. A gift that’s unmerritted, lest I boast. The revelation that Jesus loves me unconditionally as stated in 1 John chapter 4: 10.This also is a privilege.Believing in His finished work at the cross and not my own works lest i boast. Notice I’m always pointing back to the cross .It’s an unconsciouse move regarding the victory in this book. As I begin in this finished work, led by the holy spirit , may the name of the lord be praised.My writing is an oration.This is a gift described in the 1 corinthians chapter12 . I’m called to the market place, to write ,like Stephen in Acts a fellow disciple in the early church who was chosen and given the mandate of waiting on tables, hence taking the miraculous into the market place. This is clearly described in Acts chapter 6 :4.This story is my past ,present and future.A finished a work. Oh! i’m also a story teller. I’m in my room, as i look towards immortallity.I go back,way back to when I was a small boy being taken by my mum to nursery school in 1988. I can smell the scent of beans being cooked, i was only four.I had a green apron which acted as uniform. The school was
Jameslantern40.WordPress.com was sponsored by a catholic church(St.Joseph Nursery School )in Buruburu Phase One. It wasn’t far frkm where we lived about 800 metres buru buru house no. 280. What were the fond memories?the food, wetting the mattress where we took a nap (i was four) . Funny,my mum took me to my first day of school, it’s not a coincscidence that it was not my father.For the pattern before hand was just manifesting in the physical, ,predestination that would lead to my adoption. that and setting apart unto rest. Going to that school, worked for my good, because I got to see the catholic world though I was not a member. The crucifix a major emblem of the catholic denomination.I once knelt before one and prayed to an inanimate objec . though Jesus was in heaven, he had risen. Hence the mystery of that religion to an outsider, was for me demystified.
Yap !,i thank God for the exposure.The school had plenty of stories for us kids,like Jack and the bean stalk,little red riding hood(For me stories were an escape to an imaginary world. That’ s where my imagination was being prepared).But as I got older, that part of me was being killed by low self esteem.I was being prepared, yet in the natural i was dying. Grown up figures who believed in make belief, were attached to my life in form of entertainers(musicians and actors) a major influence.The law is of works thus i couldn’t walk by faith, i couldn’ t inherit. The rest of the church where this book is based on, what they call anointing is simply mental fancy. By the grace of God he was faithful, he saw me through.
Now I still got it by grace.Back to the story. I drew pictures in my head,as teachers told stories, call it day dreaming. Amazing that in the year 2000, a nursery teacher could still remember me,thirteen years later. I was fascinated by comics when i was twelve I went to my room and tried to fly after watching an episode of the warner series” loise and clerk the adventures of superman”. Okay backtracking, my mum took me to my first day in school , how time flies.I think that was important. To God be the glory. In primary school ,i remember sitting next to a girl called Mary in standard two.For some reason I felt lucky to sit next to this brown girl. She is a key figure at that stage of my life ,like a coordinate.She had a brown skin tone just like my sister.
People make coordinates in my life.In High school ,i remember washing the toilet,it was duty i was given by the school. I was in form one then equivalent of 9th grade.The early morning scent of upcountry air ruled as I embarked on that servitude task. I felt very abandoned in that boarding school. I think it was for the very fact my dad didn’t search for the school for me, but my uncle. For my 416/700 marks in k.c.p.e was a failure to my dad. He didn’t also take me to be circumcised as other boys after that k.c.p.e exam(i got circumcised 4 months late (or was it),having escaped the shame on my first term high school. Again it was another uncle who took me. As people turn to vices to escape rejection i found myself being drawn to the creator.That’s when I insisted that I be circumcised, my uncle took me. You can say from that time I lost faith in my father. I also wanted a bike at age 12 he promised me but broke that promise. In high school, I remember sitting at the basket ball court,watching my best friend John( at the time )playing basketball,as I battled adolescence delay on my part, that was in 1998,Memories. College life i struggled, i
Jameslantern40.WordPress.com (Untitled) remember sitting infront of a computer ,at the Institute of Advance Techology(IAT). It is true, that grace is superabounding in my life at an alarming rate.Yet my disqualifiation was my qualification for God’s grace. Writing this book is not easy, but the spirit of the lord commands me to prophecy.
I’m now greater thus the anointing can flow easily backed by heaven, i rest assured in this journey. But let me back up a little bit. What people don’t understand is the price of consecration, what an individual goes through to be a choice vessel for the lord.Knowledge of the severety of God is important for you to understand grace. They can’t understand the magnitude of rejection that prepares one to bear the amount of glory that is to be revealed.
Lacking a father figure, the affirmation and so forth. But with all this struggles,the one thing that stuck with me is the ambience before this artificial intelligence before me.The computer i mean.
Studying there was as a result of my dad insisting I should do a course in IT in 2001 (though he did not know that it was the Lord’s doing) working a good work in me ,a blog 11 years later . Still I wasn’t getting it ,i mean it’s one thing to be born dam but i was an intelligent kid and this detereoration to grasp now, was a mystery to me.
Here I’m referring to my yoyo academic performance that leaked in my school pre 29/06/13. Yet this mystery overwhelmed me and i drowned it in solace. Because when i was alone, the discrimination ended (self discrimination) . I had no one to compare myself with. So while guys were aiming to passing exams, i was just glad I fitted to be in that space(that’ s what the the law does to you’ it’s a curse). Belonging, justified my existence at that point .
But I liked college life, i was still trying to find my own .Somehow the stars were easier on me then. This was the time I was testing my wave length in the world,but I fell short. By now, guys were dating, somehow my not passing my high school finals did it for me. It broke and confused me.Even in college i wasn’t hitting my peak i knew that was mine.
It was like my peak was over there and i was over here. Did I mention I repeated high school finals and got the same. So back to dating, while guys were dating at this stage, I was busy worshipping other people I admired on telly. But still there was grace, I didn’t understand it yet.So too at college struggled in class,but later I was vindicated by a sovereign God who can turn a white stone into black and vice verser by his mercy also.Any way a 3 month certificate i attained it 3 years my I.c.d.l ,meaning i passed.when I joined k.c.a the fluctuations begun .I’m talking about passing exams at a season and failing at another. The fluctuation tired me.I majored in distinctions and failures. I knew this was breaking me inside. But I still enjoyed that college ,with the life that came with it. Computers sort of gave me an escape from”reality”. But God was behind preparing me as a writer.During this college, which was an advanced course, i remember getting two distinctions and a pass, also getting three failures,I resat the three latter and was given the same,three failures. (2006-2007). That was a low blow, my handwriting costed me such, is the effect of the adamic nature .For some reason i became weaker and weaker as i grew older and older,my handwriting detereorated.
I now write with my right hand. But deep within me was a fight ,that i was cut for greatness that I would sit with kings .Something about entertainment always lingered in me since 1989. That was a direct attack on my calling (“your area of curse son that’s what I will use”). A week later after my 3 flanks , my dad confessed that he is done with me, in paying school fees.I would never forget that Friday evening, for in being naturally disowned, the spiritual adoption became real.
Yet this all was going according to His plan .For what was already is.It was spectaculary ridiculous, how I could hit genius and stupidity poles in the same examination,yet my handwriting was a determinant, a curse it was.In that period i believed in the supernatural. At the time , a damning feeling came upon me when your own father gives up on you ,but then again, never did God becomes all i needed until then.
Probably now i know why i was hesitant, when a friend was pouring school fees issues on me, I logged out. Because I didn’t want to tamper with his process. Though i said a prayer for him that God’s will be done in his life (2015). All this are figures, types and shadows of the adamic curse, that Christ came to remove in my life ,my education was the catalyst. Unless I became disqualified I would never looked for another.”Consider then brethren, how many of you were not wise,were not influential, were not of noble birth, but God chose the foolish things of this world to confound the wise, the weak things to shame the strong so that no flesh would boast in his presence” (1 Corinthians 1).
The book of Mathew echoes the comfort. But that happened for me to be who i’m today, a lantern.”I’m who I’m by the grace of God,yet i labor more than they all, yet not I but the grace of God working in me” 1 Corinthians15:10.
A cousin gave me that verse by the spirit of God. Being raised Presybeterian,my grandfather (the dad to my dad) was a church founder in terms of starting a local parish,in karunaine ,Nyeri. I got this information a year ago.My mum was religious ,my dad the same.My dad has stepped to church i think four times in my lifetime counting funerals and weddings . I”m not boasting just saying.But as destiny had marked it, i grew up as a normal kid.Presybeterian children get baptised young,I was an anormally,somehow I made
It to my twenty second birthday without being baptised.Now was all this a fluke? or was God working behind the scenes?. Did my father’s paganism, part of the plan and my mother unluckiness in getting me baptised in her church working for my good?.
The spirit of sonship that’s what the world lacks today.That’s what the church has obtained in Christ but lost through the law.
That is the veil , the truth of realising Jesus is apart from the law.
Now you don’t know the struggle i had, living without a Christian name,because of the erroneous mindset left by the colonial masters ,that a Christian name equals being a Christian and the churc in kenya abuse of that misreality.
The law says “if you keep the it ( all) then all this blessings will come upon you and overtake you, but if you don’t then this curses will come upon you”.
Thus now the old covenant is done away with .The new covenant we embrace ,ushered by Jesus atonement states Jesus as the propriator for our sins.
He bought u,s washed us and said that in his name He will see us through. Sadly there are those who down play his name and prefer to keep the law,they are the modern day Pharisees.
Yet I’m b . who i’m by the grace of God(1 Corinth 15:10).The second class imaginary citizenship that I walked in as a result of lacking a christian name through my primary school years,made me feel an emptiness .
It was a direct attack that i was exposed to, because of baptism erronious teaching.I felt like an outcast.
Sometimes i thought that it was the reason for the failures in my life. Such is the waste of those who live a lie. Some body may ask me” lantern! how is it when Jesus removes the veil” ?.Of course unsumountable joy, but later you will freak out to realise that your whole life was a lie.
I subconsciously admired guys who had it a Christian name retrospectively speaking.
Finally when the stars had just lined up right ,in came the name James. You want to know how I got the name james?.One morning,I was thirteen then,and was filling papers for a high school of choice,I was required to fill three names .Then I was known as kamunya gichuki, and my dad suggested that I be called Hezekiah(I used to weep whenever he teased that would be my Christian name).Of course baptism really doesn’t warrant this but accepting Jesus as lord and saviour. Hence a name in the bible symbolizes the new identity and newness of life.
My mum at the moment by the spirit of the lord, came in to save the day, we conjured john?” no!” david ?”no!” James? “I said that’s it”. It took another ten years for me to be baptised. Presybeterian doctrine had brainwashed me that a baptism cemented my Christian name(hence heavenly approval) a heretic teaching .
Thus the ignorance brought condemnation. I was to be baptised in jubilee christian church Nairobi with a revelation that it’s an aftermath of salvation, in the church use here as a type.
In my younger days, i passed through Catholic meaning i wanted to join,because of my best friend Eddie.But my adolescence energy swept me away by a girl named Susan.
Jehovah witnesses guys dropped their merchandise often at our home, so I read them like comics.I even had a Muslim friend as a kid.I was normal ,i thought to myself. I was like the rest, but my calling came at age10. Watching a 1975 Jesus movie, which was acted fifteen years before that day which I saw it, changed my life and turned my life around forever(it was an Easter).
My life changed and since that time ,all the way to my teens, to when I hit 30,i was influenced by that decision i made.It would literally undo 6000 years of corruption in my DNA.Literally undo the adamic nature.It was Easter1993,when I watched it , though not the first time .I gave my life to Christ at that time. I knew little about the faith apart from if you accept the lord jesus things will go well with you and also you will make it to heaven.
1997,I recomitted to that the decision, I had abandoned the faith in my early experience because of a deception doctrine in the church about salvation by works and not by grace .A mixture in the christian faith that still operates even today church. A veil that is hunging upon the eyes of the church. I’m talking about a heretic teaching of earning your salvation and adding to the finished work of the cross accomplished by Christ Jesus (read Galatians).
The truth is that having recieved Christ, make’s one righteous,it is a revelation taught by apostle Paul but at such an early age,i didn’t know and so was my salvation was” “snatched” by that heretic teaching.
Afterwards, i recommited to that decision at 14(my second trial) .Deep in my subconscious,my spirit begun to work in my mind that my whole life was gone, as i knew it(now that i knew i had to back it with works).In 2005,i joined the church where i was baptised,the church used here as a type .
This was a step closer to the truth for me. Here is where i was exposed to church life ,the snapshots of the kingdom that existed beyond this world’s reality .My before reality, for the
Jameslantern40.WordPress.com makes an unqualified one an outcast. Yet all this worked for my good, the isolation became a gift for the walk of faith and endurance.For to appreciate the grace of God you have to know the severterty of God.
To be honest i can’t really blame them (the church) .Indeed the law is attractive to the flesh. The law brings competition, energises you, gives you confidence when you have kept it (law) .Because now God “owes you” (lie).Not only that but the law is manipulative. One thinks one can twist God’s arm. But my purpose is connected to this pain,selah!. I realised the voice of God by grace.
Yet i can’t boast for it’s a work of the cross.There is something about the word of God, is it the way i escape when i read john’ s revelation? Or do quantums on galatians?, Wow i want to do this. I want to share .The word of God in itself Is not rhema,but becomes ,only when the holyghost breathes on it, It’s a sword that cuts the enemy into pieces and logos for me building me up into a spiritual house .
Even as i read the bible, so did my heart refuse what i heard because i a veil hanged upon me. So i ran to counselers for i believed my struggles were birthed out of immaturity yet it was the law.
All along the law made me sweat it out, for twenty years of my thirty years of Life wasted or was it?
One man of God, a chosen indeed he is chosen, told me “son upward vision, inward then out ward”. After his counsel in less than a year i would come face to face with the law unbending. Being tempted in every point and be broken in four months to recieve the abudance of grace and the gift of righteousness.
This is a gift, not of ones own effort, not even the leadership i served under has acquirered it, for it’s not of works merit but faith.
Back at home there was pressure too.That is what happens when you are outside the will of God, especially when one is chosen. “For they shall hate you without reason “mathew 24. For judgement begins in the house of God. Since my dad told me he’s done with paying my school fees, I had to do something that would put him to shame.Something the world didn’t give me ,something the world can’t take it away. Something that will align me socially I thought,bring respect in thy congregation and deliver me from the condemnation that came from pulpit every Sunday.
After clearing college I decided i was going to do music. For that was and is my passion. Since I didn’t feel the grace for a tie and suit kind of job then, the social mind set that came with it(enclosure)But the truth about suit and tie is because i knew I would have trouble working in an enclosed environmental rather than an open one where i can escape and hide my scars rather than feel different.
But now 3 days a week i’m in an official,mhh interesting !. After i made my first recording gospo and never going public with it.I launched into sales.I discovered I had knack for it, but the vault of grace was stilled veiled hence a sense of discontentent still lingered. I still hadn’t found my purpose.Well, I deeped myself in church activities. Here i mean attending departmental meetings, overnight prayers,men’s meeting, I thought this would bring me closer to God. At home I practiced prayer, fasting and reading of the word.I was coming up hard in the faith or is it works? . Then there was this mentor friend I went to see during the after noons, he had grace for me but even him a time came when he was challenged by the hand of God in my life in terms of workings. This dear mentor later started recieving snapshots of grace. When he stopped attending church, settling his cause on season, I thought he had backslidden. Late nights also, I would transnight watching preaching programmes.It was very special for me, like the doctors watching a mother give birth, every night the law got stronger and I became weaker. Up yonder my victory was being prepared by my lord and savior Jesus Christ
But why? Why did i have to go through what i went through?. To make Israel jealous.Thus the hardening of their hearts made a way for God to show me mercy,hence through belief all who believe may receive salvation, hence to lead them to jealousy . Sometimes i can’t boast of the grace i walk in, for the simple reason it’s undeserved, unmerritted ,unearned favor. To be honest, my story is simple, it’s the story of the Samaritan woman who went to draw water during noon day, when her haters were far from earshot. But to make you fully aware of what i battled it’s called religion or legalism.
Religion is what you do to earn browny points with God. It had a place in the old covenant ,a dispensation, a truth,a reality for that time. Things like sowing, praying at the altar, honoring the man of God to the utternost in a fearful reverence like the nairobi church i was in. What is legalism in the church today?It is a system of man made rules,a system of rewarding created by man,which was absolutely missing from the early church. It is a system created by cronies to protect their righteousness and also to keep others as babes so they can be beggars and not lenders.
I saw this for myself with my own eyes ,sheeps being milk of their fur by their shepherds. I thought i was an arnomally as i could see right through that. Here the leaders qualify and disqualify blessings from fellow believers under them, purely based on man’s understanding . It’s carnal,Paul admonished the church, ,show no favorism, that ‘s one should not chose after the flesh . In the old covenant, when David was to be crowned king, his father didn’t call him out from the field, where he was looking after his father sheep.I’m reffering when prophet samuel was looking for the one to be anointed king.Surely he doesn’t look like a king,he is younger according to his father, so he brought out his more favorable sons. But the truth is, that dispensation has passed it’s not relevant now for Christ fulfilled what we couldn’t do, as stated in romans 8. It’s only when prophet Samuel insisted to jesse, David’ s father, if he had another son, did his David dad ,recover from amnesia and called for his son from the field.
Salvation by works have seen couples battling it out, arms amputated. Now it’s at a point of the demonic. For the father of lies has capitalised on this default lifestyle proud christ proffesors have taken.
The funny thing is that legalist don’t keep the whole law they themselves but show favorism. That’s why even God warns to vomit them. Hence that’s how the church is when it comes to giving and serving, the lesser son is called for,but when it come to more glorious roles, it is reserved for those who have an outwardly good appearance. This too i saw with my own eyes that if you do not have a job or a degree to boast about, boasting basically, if you lacked it, you were and is disqualified. They won’t say it but you will get it by their attitude towards you. That is why I was never called for to lead players by departmental leaders concerned, until years later(this despite my consistency) .
But my presence was needed for washing the church. This snag was broken later on, when a new undescerning leader unwares of my status (financial) was put in charge and gave me a chance .We bonded and by the time he realised my status then our friendship and callings transcended bias (i think he secretly was praying for me ). That is what i observed when ever i tried to seek ministerial mentorship.It was a closed door but when odd meetings as stated in the above paragraph comes, I was expected.
This indirectly built resentment and an arnomally attitude towards me by the department members
I’m part of the equation that all may be enter by mercy.”We were like men who dreamed”that’s what happens when El shaddai, El elion touches you, you become like him (1john 4;17).
You know what religion gets off on ?,take a look at Galatians 5, works of the flesh .The boasting devoided of faith. Yet this believers enjoy temporary or partial victory like the church type used in this book . For whenenver you get comfortable, the man of God would upset your comfort zone.
The misery of this in believers is a pathetic one and most don’t have a life cycle of more than eight years except the inner circle ones. “Those who dine with the “king and queen”.
“In this world dear children, you shall have tribulations but be of good cheer, for i have overcome the world “(john). Not every voice is from God (james) for Pharisees will seek to silence your praise (book of Acts). They don’t want you to credit your testimony to Jesus ,man born blind (mathew). They want you to move on,Lest they loose their high seats.
Children of the light you will die if choose to dim your light, there is a reason you have a testimony and they don’t .There is a reason you suffered (galatians ). Condemnation is a spirit.Basically It’s a debt consciousness reminding you that you don’t deserve your life until you pay or earn the requirements of the law. It comes when you experience an unwantancy from your neighbors, without the right foundation of God ‘s unconditional love, based on his son finished work, a life sentence is what one experiences.
An inevitability on one consciousness ,like a splinter in your brain . Mine was extreme to where I exposed to the demonic, I would have visitations, experiences that people think that happen in movies, like the mirror experience,elevation .
The mirror experience is where your soul is called forth in a mirror (yeah like in the movies). But this one they don’t show you in the movies, a mirror appears in your place of rest ,in a vision of the night, when you look into it, demons that hold you captive will appear there and mock you.
Elevation is the feeling of ascending or being suspended in mid air upon your place of rest . This things happened because of lack of truth (which is Jesus and his atonement for on ones and for all). The devil capitalised in my condemnation as the platform.
The sense of God’s love exposes one to the good in the spirit world, but the lack of it opens up one to the evil in the spiritual. All things worked together for good ,in that all the rejection , caused me to loose faith in man slowly, and have faith in God abundantly . You see, God can’t give you something you are not ready for .
I mean, he sees our hearts desires and here i’m talking of the gift of his Son,as your justification.
You can be saved but still not have the sense of acceptance of Jesus’s righteousness and are trying to earn it by your works.
You can be saved and still lack the enjoyment of that salvation .By believing in Jesus, you attain the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousnes spoken in romans 5:16.
Deep down I was seeking out for something. I didn know what it was, I thought it was out there but it was in me . I was the weak , gullible and a naive Christian. I didn’ t grow up in the Christian experience to keep it modest, I still had the first love kind of experience even then.
Because i was stipped in sin in the world, i needed the same degree of heat to keep me warm as a Christian. You know the kind you are waiting for Jesus to come back. It was in this state ,that i was oblivious of the toleration around me.”Where can I flee from your presence if i go up to the heavens you are there, if I make my bed in the depths of the earth you are still there” pslams 139.
Chrstian programmes both on television and radio became a bekone of hope to me. As i said earlier, I watched them night after night. I read the bible extensively to where i believed it literally(still do but my motive now is out of love than fear) . But because of wrong indoctrination about a judgemental and a conditional God ,i found that Jesus always stumbled me like in his sin teachings. Such as when your eye causes to seen cut it out ,it better to enter heaven maim than to go into hell whole. Yet this teachings are veiled as the children’ s bread.Cant bw percieved through the law
This Christ words stumbled me, for i carried a debt conscious . I trusted pastors who compared their righteousness one to another, who felt justified like Elijah before a trice holy God. I believed in them wholeheartedly. I felt safer in their corrupted veiled interpretation , than my personal one that i saw which i considered dangerous speared by the condemnation I was under.
It was a gift, the realisation that the law was perfect, for I knew the law unbending, i was about to be ushered into the gift that only a condemned sinner can recieve, the gift of no condemanation